Sometimes you just have to say “So what”

• How not caring so much can bring you a little peace

Me and my brother have always shared a joke amongst each other. That joke being “He who cares the least wins.” Like every joke though, it has a little bit of truth to it. Because when you don’t care so much, you do win. Not because you become some pompous jerk to every and all (that’s not what I’m referring to). But that the subject matter at hand whether It be a person, place or situation no longer has control over you.

Relinquishing the Control of “Care”

Think about it. Whatever you care about (with the exception of loved ones and situations like that) you focus on heavily. And in some instances your focus controls you. It controls how you feel, think and even what you do.

That is why I had to make a choice a while back to stop caring about things beyond my control. Because a lot of times in life, we put our problems on a pedestal. They take front and center stage in our mind. And then we make our peace contingent on these problems being solved. As if we can’t experience a sense of peace until certain ideal conditions are met. And it’s like, why does our peace have to be so far in the future? Why can’t we experience peace now?

Whenever our peace is contingent on a certain event taking place, we delude ourselves into thinking once it happens we’ll be happy. We’ll be at peace, at ease. That however is a lie! Because it becomes a soap opera with no end, where the next problem arises and then our new sense of peace is contingent on that same problem being solved. Soon after it becomes a vicious cycle, that we grow to become tired of after a while….. Or at least I know I do.

The Final Destination is Never Reached

Think about it! How many times have we said to ourselves, “if this situation could just work out I’d be okay?” If I could just win that ex of mines back? If I could just get that degree? If I could just lose this weight? If the people at work just didn’t act that way? If I could just make a little bit more money? If I?….. If I? It never ends does it?

And I know what you're thinking! “I Have to care”! And sure. On some level you do have to. But you don’t have to allow those matters to control you. Some of you are maybe thinking, “well what am I to do”? When the deadline is looming? When the bill is past due and must be paid? When my relationship is on it’s last leg? When I just lost my job?

And these situations can happen to anyone. Life is filled with ups and downs. But I have gotten to a place, where I refuse to let that crap get the best of me. I refuse to let the contingency of an event occurring determine how I act, how I feel about myself and others ; which includes the world at large around me. I refuse!

My Peace can be based on just…. Me!

I remember years ago, getting involved with this guy who in my eyes was the holy grail. Mainly, because I had never met a guy I could feel spiritually in tuned with before. I was so engulfed in my infatuation with him, that I let my involvement with him determine how I felt about myself based on where we were at. My god! What a toxic way to live! If we were good, then I was good. If we were down, I was down. That was one merry go round, I stayed on for, for too long.

I had fell into the trap of a scarcity mindset. Thinking there were no other good guys out there. That this was as good as it was going to get. But once I tapped into an abundance mindset, I realized I didn’t have to settle for the great value version of what I thought love was.

And situations like that made me realize what’s for me is for me. I don’t have to force it! I’d rather live in a flow. And that doesn’t mean I don’t make effort, but I don’t have to force it. Life does not have to be hard or strenuous or at least I don’t believe so. Jobs come and go, places come and go, friends come and go, relationships come and go. Everything and sometimes certain people are replaceable. I never give someone or something too much importance to where the relationship with it, can swing me around as the weather changes.

Coming to these revelations over the years have helped me a lot. In fact it’s when I stopped lettings dominate the bane of my existence that a lot of things would work out for me. I stopped overcompensating and seeking validation from external sources. And what a freeing feeling it is when you don’t care about events, or what people think about you. I don’t know about you, but that has given me a power that has allowed me to perceive beyond what I could comprehend.

Not Subscribing to the Mess

I will not subscribe to the feeling of fear. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. I’m not Miss Cleo. And I will not hold myself hostage to the inevitable possibilities of what could go wrong tomorrow. Sometimes, when things go “left” for us, how can we really know in the moment that its not for the best? How do we not know in the grand scheme of things that it may lead us to a better opportunity, relationship or most importantly mindset?

I will not be held hostage to what other people think about me. Everyone is on their own journey and I can’t always control how others experience me. I will not be held hostage as to what the next day may bring, because I can’t foresee every “unfortunate” event that can come my way. But what I will denote is that I will not allow anyone or anything to determine my peace of mind or the state of my mental health. That’s why nowadays I’ll say “so what”, when contemplating at times what could go wrong in certain situations.

Training my mind to just “go there”! Go to that most fearful place in my thoughts and realize whether that happens or not it wont control my peace. I always say that if you don’t give people or situations the power to build you up then they also don’t have the power to tear you down, Think about it.